how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
