You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
