Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
