I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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