you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
