Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
