i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
