the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She even gives head with a lisp.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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