literally had 100 drinks last night.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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