I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
