This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
dude. I can hear the air.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
