I didn't shave. On purpose
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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