marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You work out of a Hotel?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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