You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
