Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
