were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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