I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
