You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
