The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
