I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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