Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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