3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
