i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
