I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize