Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
