i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
