I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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