She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
