if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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