remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
