Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
