We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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