I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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