my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We were destined to go to rehab together
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
