I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
