u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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