She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize