Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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