Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
