she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
