Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
