The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize