so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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