his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
