4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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