I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
