He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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