I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I would fuck him just for his dog
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
