there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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