I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
