got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
