My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
