Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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