So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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