i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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