i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
