I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
hell yes lets make some ravioli
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
