why didn't you poke me back
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize