just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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