i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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