Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
