if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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