I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
