Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks

(917): View more from New York City

this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed

(917): View more from New York City

he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?

(718): View more from New York

messed up. what color are the wings?

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(907): View more from Alaska

so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.

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